A Time for Change?

Life is about change...right? It is hard to change. After 20 years, after constant training, after...how many fights...scars...death...? I am not good with numbers, but I know it was a lot. I remember most of their faces...I think. I remember my scars. I do not remember my family or much of my childhood. I do not even remember my given name. "Swiftslayer..." "Goliath..." Perhaps I need to make my own name. I know that killing is wrong...stealing...ignoring the pain of those people call "innocent." I have been hardened by the nature of life and death. Hardened by my years of avoiding both. As what most would call a slave, I was freed of the burden of thought outside of combat. I have lead men, but I do not feel I am a leader of men. Tactical maneuvers and re-enacted battles are not war...only the mechanics of it. I am most definitely not a leader of men. At best, I am a destroyer of men. I know the best ways to take an opponent down. At least I have had the forethought to give them a chance at life, since I know longer play by the rules of my former life.

My anger...my greatest strength, my biggest weakness. I have to overcome it...but when I do, I fear I must leave my family...my first life...behind forever. I watch the companions around me, each driven by a purpose...especially Qiang. His certainty about the ways of life sways me from my centralized thought. Perhaps a code is what I need. Rules. Perhaps I can call on his wisdom. His goodness. Maybe if I go through the motions I will learn to understand why. There is a lot to undo. Goodbye, Master. I must find my own path now. Thank you.

-Goliath